How Big?
by Katietori
Summary: Simmons was sitting alone during lunch like he usually does, minding his own business. Everything was normal until some weird guy decided to sit himself next to Simmons and ask him a weird question that he swears wasn't his idea to ask. This is a Grimmons High School AU, but this only hints at Grimmons and is more just a "How they meet" sort of thing. It's just stupidity for now.


A/N: A high school RvB AU Grimmons fic because I love grimmons and awkward Simmons so yeah. This is really stupid and I didn't read over it so it's probably extra bad. It was typed on my iPod, so it may have also replaced things with stupid things so sorry about that, too.

Simmons is sitting alone at lunch, one hand in his lap while the other is poking a fork idly at the slop the man at the counter had given him. He's deep in thought over how long it would take for him to create a plan to sneak food from home without his mother knowing when suddenly someone sits beside him. He becomes rigid with surprise and his eyes dart from his food to the guy huffing an annoyed sigh next to him.

The guy seems to send a glare to a table of chuckling assholes behind them before he gives Simmons the most agitated look.

"Uh… Hi?" Simmons mentally curses at the crack in his voice with just a simple greeting.

The guy just puffs out another annoyed breath and straightens himself. "Okay. This is going to sound really fucked up and gay," the guy begins, pushing his hands in front of himself in some form of exaggeration of his words. "But just know that I'm not the one who wanted to ask this."  
Simmons, utterly confused, was about to ask what in the world the other guy was talking about when the other just spewed out his question.

"How big is your dick?"

Simmons chokes on the air and his face takes a bright red hue. "E-excuse me?" He hopes he heard the guy wrong.

"How. Big. Is. Your. Dick. You know, the length of your penis." The other has no trouble saying these words, but Simmons's face only got brighter with each one.

"Why the hell do you want to know THAT?" Simmons asks in a scandalized voice, leaning away from the other in absolute horror.

"I told you, _**I**_ wasn't the one who wanted to ask this. Now fess up, what are you three, four inches when fully up?" Simmons did a wonderful impression of a fish out of water for a few seconds before he shook his head quickly.

"I'm not telling you that!"

"Aw, c'mon, Slim. We're both guys here. It's normal to talk about dick sizes with new friends. Hell, it's probably written somewhere that one of the first questions you SHOULD ask your fellow man is 'how big are you?' So tell, beanstalk." The guy leans toward Simmons, trying to keep eye contact. Simmons's eyes looked anywhere but at the other. Simmons was all to ready to keep his mouth shut and just try to ignore the weird question.

But the word 'normal' from the other made him hesitate. Was it really normal? Simmons had no clue, the only friends he had were the ones he met online through his games, but they never talked about their… Privates. They just talked about the latest patches to games or the newest releases and an occasional 'would you rather' game.  
So, for all Simmons knew, it really could be normal to talk about how long he was. Simmons glances at the guy who had his eyebrows raised, face full of expectation for an answer. Simmons unconsciously licks his lips nervously.

"Uh, is that really a normal thing?" He asks quietly, shoulders tensing when the guy grins widely. A triumphant, wicked grin, Simmons thinks.

"Of course it is!" They guy laughs and smacks Simmons's shoulder a bit too hard. Simmons forces himself not to flinch away from the touch.  
Simmons looks wearily at the guy for a second before sighing, looking down at the ground in uncertainty. He mumbles something just too low.  
"What was that?" The other questions, cupping his ear and leaning towards Simmons.

"I said, 6 inches." Simmons grumbles a bit louder, his face burning.

The other seems frozen, smile falling ever so slightly. "You're fucking with me. Now, seriously. What are you, three or four?"

Simmons face twists in annoyance. "I'm not 'fucking with you.' I'm six inches."

"Dude, there is no way your scrawny ass can pop a half-foot tent. No offense." The others grin was goofy and wide as Simmons's eyes rolled.

"Offense taken." He grouches, turning away from him. "You asked, I answered. So. Go report back to whoever put you up to this or whatever."

"Mine's 8 feet."

Simmons glares at him from the corner of his eye. This once unsettling company was now becoming an annoyance. "Oh haha, right. Well, the ladies must love to use you to get to their cats in the trees. "

"That was lame," despite his words, the other outright laughs.  
Simmons starts to smile but catches himself, choosing a neutral look instead.

"I'm not lying, though. Why would I?"

The other guy shrugs and leans backwards. "I dunno. To impress me? Make yourself seem manly?"

"Pft. It'd take more than 6 inches to make me manly…" Simmons mumbles, almost to himself he eyed his food again, pushing it away in disgust.

The other guy raised an eyebrow at that, but didn't comment on it. "So, really, 6 inches?"  
"_Yes_ really. How many times do I have to tell you?" Simmons says, exasperated.

"Man, the weirdest people get lucky in that area…" The other guy grumbles, slight agitation in his voice. He starts to stand up, much to Simmons relief(and slight anguish as he would have to go back to sitting alone. He didn't show that though. )

"Welp. It's been nice talking about dicks with you. Gotta scram and tell the tales of your dick. "

Simmons swivels around towards the guy about to protest, but he was met with a stupid, lopsided smile. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Chill, man. By the way," the guy leans down towards Simmons's ear. "I may not be 8 feet, but I am 8 in a different measurement. Maybe we should compare one day."  
Simmons tries to ignore the heavy burning sensation on his face as he turns away with a scoff. "Eight centimeters? I think I'll pass."

"Yeah, yeah. See ya, Slim." The other guy calls over his shoulder, walking back to his own table with a shit eating grin. "Man, I can't believe Donut was right…" Simmons could just hear the guy whisper to himself before he was out of earshot.

Simmons put his face in his hands and he groaned in annoyance. For some reason, he feels like that wasn't actually a normal thing for two guys to discuss.

Annnnnnd that's what you get. Obviously the "other guy" is Grif and this is like their first meeting or something.  
I'm not good at writing, sorry. Will, nevertheless, add more to this AU of mine. Later.


End file.
